


Sammy Choose Me

by goddess_samwinchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Demon Blood Addiction, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Men Crying, Past Child Abuse, Past Ruby/Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Can't Catch a Break, Sam Winchester's Demonic Powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-19 23:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11908236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_samwinchester/pseuds/goddess_samwinchester
Summary: Dean watches Sam drink the demon's blood like a damn vampire. He tries to get Sam, his Sammy, to stop this demon shit and choose him over Ruby.





	Sammy Choose Me

**Author's Note:**

> Sam is addicted to demon blood. Dean feels guilty. Sam feels guilty... alot a feels. Furst supernatural fic so...?

Sam tackles the demon, and brings the knife up to its throat, giving it one last chance to spill. The demon doesn't, she just cackles in Sam's face, and he let's the knife dig a little too deep in its skin, blood oozing out on the floor in a big puddle. Sam's throat tightens, he hasn't had Ruby's blood in so long. He tries to pull his head back, and away, but it's like someone is holding his head down. Finally, he gives in, his mouth surges forward and connects with the wound, sucking as much as he can. Sam pulls away, and blood covers his mouth, he can taste it on his tongue and his teeth, he can feel it dripping on his chin. He just drank blood from a demon in front of his brother, and Castiel, the  _ angel _ .

 

Dean gagged, and quickly covered his mouth. This was Sam's huge secret. The reason he's been acting like a crack addict, the reason he's stronger. He's been getting demon blood to make his powers stronger. Sam has been doing this demon stuff behind his back. Cas was right. Cas knew this was going on and didn't tell Dean. It feels like everyone knew but Dean. Everyone knew that his Sammy was out doing bad shit with… RUBY! He was getting Ruby's blood. Dean's jaw dropped behind his shaky hand. He glanced at Cas, who was shaking his head, but otherwise not surprised.

 

Sam didn't turn around. He felt his eyes stinging with tears. He felt his dignity collapse, and he knew… he was rock bottom. He was giving into demons. He needed to stop. Now. He stood up and wiped his mouth off with his sleeve. He lifted his head to look at Ruby who was standing in front of him with a look of pride and shock. He felt his face twist into anger, and then back to guilt. He turned to look at Dean, his lover.

 

Dean choked. Sam turned around and Dean got a glimpse of the demon boy he thought was gone. He thought Sam was back to being his Sammy, that he loved. He still loved this Sam, he loved every part of Sam. Even this dark, twisted, evil part, yeah, he wanted to change it, but he loved it. Sam's long brown hair fell into his face, not quite covering his eyes. Sam's eyes were guilty and looking at the floor. His teeth sinking into his bottom lip to keep from crying. His hands clenched into fists at his sides.

 

Dean has never wanted to hold onto Sam and tell him it was okay, and it wasn't his fault more. But at the same time he wanted to scream, and yell at Sam, asking him  _ why? _ Why did he do this to himself and to Dean? He was tricked, that much was obvious, tricked by that sickening bitch Ruby. And Dean could lunge forward, steal the knife from Sam and sink it deep into Ruby's pathetic, manipulative skull. But he didn't. He stood there in shock.

 

Ruby spoke first, “Sam, come with me. They don't want you anymore, look at their faces, and what you've done? You're better with me,  _ your kind. _ ”

 

Sam flinched at that. Did Dean truly not want him anymore. Sam and Dean have been inseparable for more than a year now. They've both died in front of each other. They've lived for eachother. Sam  _ lives _ for Dean. Was Ruby Sam's kind? Did Sam belong to Ruby after drinking her blood? Sam has never belonged to anyone but Dean, he never will. Dean was his brother, his soulmate, his lifeline, and his only love. How could he have let that slip through his fingers, for what? Demonic power? Would Dean let him go, or would Dean make him go?

 

He looked up to Dean, his other half. Dean looked shocked, angry, sad, but mostly, he looked like he wanted Sam. But Sam knew he didn't want  _ this _ Sam, he wanted the old Sam. The better Sam. Sam would never be good enough to deserve Dean, and he knew that since the beginning, but God, he wanted him. Sam begged with his eyes,  _ ‘please take me away, make me yours, let's get out of here, Dean.’ _

 

Dean looked into Sam's eyes and he saw the desperation. He wanted to take Sammy away from here, and run away. Run away from demons, and angels, the apocalypse, and being a hunter. Sam deserved better than this. Dean stepped towards Sam, wanting more than  _ life itself _ to reach out and grab him. He wanted to hold his little brother in his arms, and cradle him like a child after the nightmare that was their life. He stepped closer, and he could almost smell the scent of Sam's shampoo.

 

Ruby grabbed Sam's arm and pulled him back, making his stumble a few steps away from Dean. She rolled her eyes, “Dean's only gonna hurt you,  _ Sammy _ ,”

 

Sam let a tear fall down his face and onto his shirt. He sniffled and looked to Dean, “D-d-dean, p-please.” He begged. Even though he knew he didn't deserve shit, he needed Dean like he needed his own lungs. He couldn't imagine life without, his breath came out shorter.

 

Dean lunged forward, shoving Ruby away with more force than he should've. He looked at her with anger in his eyes. He turned to Sam, and he handed Dean the knife. Dean stepped close to Ruby, grabbing the knife and gripping it tight, “I would _never_ hurt Sammy, and he is _not_ your kind you sickening, twisted, _manipulative_ _bitch_.” He said, driving the knife into her heaving chest. She sank to the ground with a gasp, looking up to Sam, pleading, but he only turned away.

 

Dean turned to Cas, but he was gone, he vanished. It left the two now dead demons, Sam, and Dean alone. Sam kept his eyes on the floor, refusing to look up, at Dean. Dean slowly tilted his head up, looking at Sam, he looked so guilty, so afraid. Dean knows that look, he's worn it several times, and it floods him with memories.

 

_ Sometime in Dean's too short childhood... _

 

_ John Winchester busted through the cheap hotel door. He waves around the keys to the Chevy Impala, assuring Dean he did bring it home. He threw the keys at the wall, landing to the floor with a jingle. John takes his jacket off, and mumbles out a slurred version of Mary Winchester’s name. Then, he looks up at Dean and Sam, who were sitting on the couch cuddled up with each other and asleep. He snarls and throws his half empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s, hitting Dean in the shoulder. _

 

_ Dean sits up with a yelp of pain, and sucks a breath through his clenched teeth, his shoulder would bruise, he could hide that. He jolts his kid brother awake, and hurriedly orders him to run to the bathroom. When Sam argues, Dean yells at him, telling him to shut up and go now, he can take it, he can  _ _ fix _ _ this. Sam shakes his head and gives Dean a sloppy kiss on his pouty lips before darting to the grimy bathroom. _

 

_ Dean blushes, and trails his fingers gently over where Sam's lips had just been, that was the first kiss they'd shared. He turned his body away from his father, to block any hits on his face, where it would be hard to hide from prying teachers and classmates. Bad move. John shoved his body hard, pushing him against the wall with a thud, “Where's Mary?! And Sam?!” he yells, “Why am I stuck with an incompetent brat like you, Dean?” He spat out, pounding his fist on the wall dangerously close to Dean's face. Dean could feel his hot, drunk breath on his neck. “Stop trying, you'll never be good enough, Dean, you know it too.” _

 

_ John picked up the bottle of liquor on the ground, and he shoves it in Dean's fumbling hand, “Drink up, you whiny bitch” He said. Dean did, without hesitation, brought the damned bottle up to his chapped lips. He tilted it up and took a long sip. He gagged at the taste, but swallowed down the life-ruining liquid anyway. He did it for Sammy, maybe John would leave him alone. That wasn't what John did, he'd guessed horribly wrong. _

 

_ John watched Dean swallow the alcohol with an evil smirk, “Now. Where the fuck did you send Sam?” He said, standing from his crouched position on the ground. Dean's body tensed, despite the uncomfortable buzzing in his head. Had John slammed it on the wall? He was too dizzy. He jumped, and stood in between John and the bathroom door, “No! Please! Just hit me, not him, he can't take it, I won't let him!” he pleaded, eyes stinging with tears he wished he could shed, but not in front of John. _

 

_ John scoffed, “Move, kid, I haven't hit him in awhile.” He said, putting his hand on Dean's shoulder and roughly pushed him to the side. Dean stumbled but stood back in front of the door, “No. You won't hit him. Hit me, John.” He said through gritted teeth. John raised a brow, “Really, Dean, you shouldn't offer yourself up like that, he needs to learn how to take a beating too, y’know.” He slurs. _

 

_ Dean pushes John's shoulders, and regrets it, but opens his mouth anyway, “No, John, please, he's a kid, he's my little brother, I can't let you hit him.” He says, waiting anxiously for his response to getting shoved himself. _

 

_ John didn't like it, he growled and pushed Dean's body with more force than really necessary. Dean landed hard against the bathroom door, hearing the wood creak under the blow. He was too afraid to move, ‘just please don't get to Sammy,’ he kept saying in his head. _

 

_ “DEAN! Please don't hurt him, Dad!” Sam's strained voice sounded through the door. He banged his fists on the door, and begged his father. John smirked and looked at Dean, “Maybe this is punishment enough for him.” He said before back-handing Dean in the face hard. Dean's face whipped in the other direction, smacking against the wood. _

 

_ Sam screamed, he tried opening the door but Dean was pressed against it, and John was keeping his damned hand on it,holding it shut. Sam yelled, whined, cried out, hit the door with his hands so hard it hurt. His nail dragged and clawed down the door, all the while yelling, “Please! John! Please don't hurt Dean!” _

 

_ John let out a deep, ugly laugh, “Ah, Sammy, he said to hit him instead of you!” he shouted at Sam through the door. Sam whimpered and pressed his entire body on the door, “Please don't, John,” He said weakly, his body curling in on itself and sobs leaking out of his lips. John only smiled sadly, and kicked the door down, sending Dean and Sam toppling over to the floor, a stupid wooden door in between them. _

 

_ John grabs Dean by the collar, and throws his body out of the way, he lands one real nasty punch on Sam's face, before Dean throws himself back at John. They landed on the floor roughly, “Sammy, go! Run, I'll be right behind you!” he said. But John grabbed Sam's ankle, sending him flying to the floor. He stalked over to Sam, ignoring Dean's begging for him to stop. He grabs Sam's face in his hands, and drags him to his feet. “You look just like your mother you little bitch.” He spat on Sam's tear streaked face, and smacked it hard, harder than he did to Dean. Sam's head whipped in the wrong direction, and he fell back to the ground, holding his face and sobbing in his hands. _

 

_ Dean stood up, he was gonna knock the shit out of John. He had enough, when he raised his fist to really deck him, John fell to the floor, unconscious. Dean walked right up to the pathetic excuse of a man that had once been a half decent father. He kicked him in the stomach with everything he had, not exactly smiling when he heard a pained grumble. When he deemed himself finished with John, he rushed to Sam. _

 

_ Sam was curled up in a ball, crying and whimpering versions of his dad's name. Dean wore a miserably guilty face that night, and the next, and many after that. How could he let Sam get hit like that? Sam reassured him that it wasn't his fault, he couldn't have stopped it. He didn't blame it. And after that, they shared many kisses, some lingering a little longer than family's maybe should, but never around John. John stayed unconscious for a little over two days. He was more drunk than should be possible, and from that day, Dean hoped John's liver gave out sooner rather than later. How could he do that to Sammy, how could Dean let it happen? _

 

Present…

 

Dean stared at Sam, and he took a step forward. Sam flinched, but didn't back away. He kept his eyes trained on the floor, and he let a tear roll down his cheeks. Dean shook his head and stepped forward again. Sam let a few more tears fall, and just when he thought Dean was gonna deck him a good one, he was wrong.

 

Dean wrapped his strong arms around Sam, and kissed his tears away. He was angry, yeah, but he understood. He leaned in his ear, “Sammy, it's okay, I forgive you, I still love you, my Sammy.” He whispered, holding Sam's face in his hands and kissing away the tears. One of his hands rubbed comforting circles in Sam's back, and the other holding onto his hair. He kept whispering reassurances, and forgiving words.

  
Sam's head was buried into Dean's shoulder, and he couldn't care about looking like a child. He could feels Dean's love through his hands and kisses, and he let it sink in. All the stress, and the tension, and the sadness and guilt all fell away. He wanted to stay in Dean's arms like this forever, forget about the apocalypse and about being Satan's literal human vessel. Dean forgave him, that was all that mattered. He could be looked down at by everyone, but as long as Dean loved him, he was okay. He was completely dependent on Dean. He needed Dean's forgiveness, and he had it. “Th-thanks Dee,” He sighed through tears. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Leave some kudos and a comment... or not... whatever you like?


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